


Like a flower that blooms under the moonlight

by moonbeams (hanaemin)



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I actually made myself cry, M/M, Overthinking, Self-Indulgent, lots of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:22:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26857399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanaemin/pseuds/moonbeams
Summary: In the daylight everything just reminds him of sunny smiles and a tiny honey-like-voice, and at night, alone, he just can lay on his bed facing the ceiling trying to fight the yearning, the feeling that he already lost."Are you scared of love, Kevin?"
Relationships: Bae Joonyoung | Jacob/Moon Hyungseo | Kevin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 55





	Like a flower that blooms under the moonlight

**Author's Note:**

> ok, so I've been reading fanfiction for like ten years, but I write my own just now? wow, groundbreaking, I just love moonbae so much :( so here I am, I practically readed all the fics on their tag so I figured out I could contribute a little besides this practically wrote itself, uh... this probably would suck a little because english is not my first language and I didn't proof read it.
> 
> anyways,,, please enjoy!

It's been a hour or so, Kevin is not that sure but he's been contemplating the same spot on the ceiling and the more he looks at it, the more everything seems more overwhelming.

His mind is going back and forth, a mean voice inside his head is currently asking if everything's actually that overwhelming and so, he really tries to ponder. The room is in complete silence except for the soft breathing of the boy laying at his side, the arm that's currently barely over him on a vague attempt of a cuddle makes his heart feel both very light and heavy at the same time, but it's nothing new, he's been feeling like that for a while. Now back to his previous thoughts... he doesn't know if everything is in fact that overwhelming of if he even should be feeling like this, but his mind is all foggy and unwilling to cooperate and have cohesive thoughts. He is overthinking again and it's not helpful, not at all. 

It had been a very long day for both of them, Kevin crashed at Jacob's place like almost every afternoon. They fell asleep early while talking on Jacob's bed, the sun was only starting to set and the room was full of warm tones at that time. Now, several hours later, the older is still asleep and the sky is pitch black, it's the moon who greets him with her gentle gleam from the window that neither of them bothered enough to close, so the chilly autumn wind is currently playing with the curtains; -now it makes sense that he is shivering like this- little goosebumps doing a funny and kinda unwanted race from head to toes. If that last thought seems more like some statement he is trying so hard to convince himself, it's none business.

He still have his gaze fixated on the ceiling, with his head full of things that he rather not be thinking at all, ever. Softly, Jacob stirs still asleep and Kevin's train of thought is already lost so he immediately turns his eyes to the brown haired who's sporting a very paceful look on his face, the older just accommodated himself at his side and the loose embrace is now tight, very tight, on his abdomen, Kevin can only make out his friend's profile thanks to the moonlight. There is a warm feeling blooming inside him and it's always there, but at moments like these, he can't help but feel it grow with fondness and it's devastating. He doesn't have the heart to wake him up and besides it's probably too late it's not even worth it, Jacob have been having rough nights lately, he could probably use some sleep. So Kevin makes use of the precious opportunity he was given of and decides to just stare, stare with a attention at his friend and his heart swells with affection and something akin to pain. Jacob, sweet Jacob is making little noises between snores and puffs, Kevin doesn't know if that's because he is dreaming, he can't help but wonder what could he be dreaming of, in all honesty thinking about that doesn't make him any good, because even if he doesn't ever admit it, a hopeful part of him likes to think Jacob is dreaming about him, about them. Nothing specific, just them, he has some sense of self preservation therefore he doesn't even dare to visualize possible scenarios of them together on his friend's dream. Not that he can assure Jacob actually dreams about him.

His mind these days has become a dark place but overthinking it's the only way he knows how to process his feelings.  
In the daylight everything just reminds him of sunny smiles and a tiny honey-like-voice, and at night, alone, he just can lay on his bed facing the ceiling trying to fight the yearning, the feeling that he already lost. And he is so scared sometimes, even at moments when Jacob has him pressed at his side like right now, hell, those moments are even scarier, because he looses all control over the tidal waves that are his feelings or the way his heart speeds over the minimum interaction between them, and at this very moment he can feel the way his heart is racing for dear life and he is sure that if Jacob was awake he could hear it too, at this point Kevin doesn't know if it's because the anxiety or just the infatuation messing with him.

He is in love, and he doesn't feel great about it, love it's not the sparkly warm feeling everyone likes to make a big deal about, it's draining more than anything, at least for him. And he's tired and heartbroken and is just the beginning, because it's been only months since he realized that all this time he's been crushing on his bestfriend, and everyday he falls in more deeper. And that can't be, right? friendship ruined and all that, not to mention he has some serious issues with being intimate and letting walls down. Those are the reasons behind him avoiding the matters of love. People hurt people, even people that are in love are capable of that. And he just, really, really doesn't want to get hurt or hurt anyone, especially Jacob. He can actually feel how the oxygen leaves his lungs at the mere thought of losing him, that's probably the worst thing that could ever happen to him, is not even an exaggeration.

Jacob has been a constant presence in his life for years, one very calming, nurturing presence at that. The older painted Kevin's days with the most brilliant and lively colors since day one. And falling for him was the easiest thing for real, with Jacob being always caring, full of gentle words of encouragement and apreciation, Jacob with his little giggles even when he would tell the lamest jokes, or his sweet voice that he uses to speak to him and to sing while his fingers strokes confidently chords on his old guitar, or with the way he always listens to him with adoration written in his eyes. Jacob was so bright and warm, it was impossible for him to not be drawn to his light.  
And it was so hard to Kevin, to really tell where they stand, because sometimes Jacob seemed to reflect the same thing Kevin was feeling on his words or in the way his fingers will trace his skin and linger with tenderness, but he can never be to sure so it was always better to achingly yearn in secret, day by day.

There were days when he wished he could be more brave to do something, anything, especially when Jacob locked his eyes with his own and he can only see affection and a glint of some other indescifrable emotion that resonated clear and loud on his heart but that sadly he wasn't able to understand at the moment.  
Either way, each time was more harder to not think about the possibility of them together, about him acting on his feelings or how would feel to reach closer to him and ki... "Kev...what's wrong?" Jacob asked low voice full of sleep but audibly concerned, Kevin too deep on his thoughts barely registered what the brown haired asked so he just let out a confused sound as an answer "What's wrong, Kevin?, are you okay?" asked once again softly shifting his position, searching for the black haired's face "Uh... it's nothing, I'm o-okay" Kevin let go air he didn't know he was containing as a shaky sigh "Mmm yeah?? but you were fidgeting, were you having a nightmare?" Jacob was now stroking Kevin's hair, getting it out of his face, Kevin couldn't face Jacob so he was facing the ceiling once again with his eyes closed this time "No... I've been awake for a while... actually" he was trying so hard to control his heart and mouth but every answer sounded very hesitant and it was pretty obvious "Oh, you couldn't get back to sleep? are you hungry?" and there it was again, the affection, the care in Jacob's voice, Kevin could probably cry if he just let his guard down "No.. I'm fine, I was just thinking" it was a dangerous thing to say because if Jacob sensed something was troubling him, he wasn't going to stop asking until he was able to know what was wrong and Kevin was tired of neglecting the truth and his feelings "Thinking about what, baby?, you know you can talk to me, right?" as soon as the petname left the older's lips a sob got caught on his throat, it wasn't something new, Jacob calling him baby, but it was something that always felt very intimate and that practically was reserved for moments like these, but in this occasion the timing wasn't right and Kevin felt so vulnerable, so exhausted and he was so close to spill everything ... "Yeah.. i-i know but it's nothing, dumb things... just... nevermind, I'm fine Jakey, really" he breathed in and out a few times to calm down, and turned to see Jacob to gave him a shy smile trying to convey reassurance, he was trying to put on his best act but it was kinda useless, Jacob could always see trough him. They locked eyes for a moment, Jacob's eyes were scanning his face despite the darkness, probably searching for the answers he wasn't ready to tell, without any warning, suddenly Jacob pulled him closer, Kevin's breath hitched in shock because he didn't understand what Jacob was doing until he realized the older was hugging him and his face was now nested in the crook of Jacob's neck, the embrace was warm and protective just like him. For the first time in a while being in Jacob's arms didn't make him feel tormented with uncertainty and hopelessness, if anything it was very comforting and healing "I don't know what's going on, but everything is going to be alright and I always will be by your side, Kevin, you understand?" Kevin was actually starting to sob, he was just so tired, the whole situation was too much and he just wanted to let everything out "ye-yeah, I-I know..." little hiccups were leaving his mouth, he did know Jacob was genuine about those words but the irrational fear of losing him was very debilitating. The older must have notice about him crying but didn't comment anything, he simply tightened his arms around him, he understood that at the moment Kevin wasn't in the headspace to talk, so he didn't ask anything else for a while and only stayed embracing him, whispering sweet nothings to calm him down.

☽ ☽ ☽

"Are you not tired? why don't you go to sleep again?" asked Kevin, who calmed down several minutes before and was aware that Jacob was still awake "Hmmm no, I feel full recharged again, I slept very well to be honest, I think I'm not going to be able to sleep again now" Jacob let a small laugh, he was almost whispering and Kevin was only capable of hearing him because of the proximity.  
After everything that went down a few minutes ago, a comfortable silence had settled on the room and neither of them was especially eager to fill it with conversations, but Kevin was restless and while he was calming down, he carefully weighed the situation and decided he wasn't going to tell everything to Jacob right then and there, but he figured out that he could tell some vague things to the older, just to free himself of some of the weight he was carrying on his heart "Cobie is love supposed to make you feel scared?" Kevin tentative voiced out loud, Jacob tried to pull apart a little to look at Kevin but Kevin tightened his arms around him, not letting him go "Are you scared of love, Kevin?" the black haired shut his eyes tight not knowing how to respond, he was a little taken aback, he should have expected an outcome like this, he was truly walking straight to the wolf's mouth and he wasn't able to stop now, it was weird but this time, Jacob's presence and proximity made him feel like the fear was fading away, maybe it was the tenderness that he emanated and the intoxicating sweetness on the brown haired's voice "Y-yes.. I think so" Jacob didn't say anything for a while, he seemed to be pondering his answer, his finger started to draw patterns on the other's back, in an attempt to soothe him "I see... hmm" another few moments passed, Kevin had fell in a calm state, he was starting to doze off, almost forgetting about the question he did before, so Jacob's voice startled him a little "Are you in love?" this time Jacob managed to fix his face in front of Kevin's face, both of them were incapable of looking anywhere else than the others eyes, neither of them aware of the space between shortening with each passing second "I d-don't know... I think... I think.." this kind of closeness was new to them but it felt right, thrilling even, it was a strange feeling, like a there was a magnet, a spell pulling them together, the darkness in the room making everything more intimate, Kevin realized the proximity between them, and at first started to slightly freak out but then he looked at Jacob's eyes and realization dawned upon him, Jacob's face was full of endearment, a little smile softly growing while the light of the moon reflected prettily on his pupils. It was clear now for Kevin, it was love... that kind of love, between them it have always been love, Jacob feelt the same. He wasn't going to lose him because both of their hearts were beating in the same tune, and maybe it was naive of him to think that with Jacob nothing could possibly go wrong, but he was feeling brave and the fear was no longer paralyzing him, the happiness embodied was in front of him looking into his eyes with so much adoration and he just needed to say the words "Yes... I'm in love" that came out like a whisper that got muffled on the lips of the other, the gap between them finally closed, the softness and sweetness of the touch was incomparable with whatever thing Kevin imagined before, it was unreal, Jacob smiled on his lips letting out small noises of happiness. Kevin saw that Jacob had his eyes closed so he mirrored him and closed his own, both of them had waited for this very moment for a long time so the innocent kiss turned more intimate and deep, years and years of want and yearning transfigured on a battle between lips and tongues. 

They kissed for a while, hands roaming each other bodies, the moon was the only bystander of the blooming love between the two young men, the quietness of the night was occasionally interrupted for little sighs and the irregular sound of erratic breathing, but neither of them wanted to pull apart. Eventually the kisses returned to the softness and inocence of the first one and after one last chaste kiss they just lay on the bed looking in the eyes of the other with wonder and deep affection. Jacob cupped Kevin's face delicately "I am in love too.. and not long ago I was scared of love just like you" he started to leave feathery kisses in every corner of Kevin's face, the black haired had his eyes closed with a smile of tranquility plastered beautifully on his face " I was scared because I thought you would never realize how much you mean to me. Sometimes I convinced myself that you didn't even felt the same but deep down... I always knew. So I waited for you, I noticed the fear in your eyes in more than one occasion and though that made me hurt for you, I wanted you to feel loved, to feel safe... I could only wait. If we are together... there's no reason to be afraid Kev, because... I love you... so so much and I always will" Jacob's sweet voice was trembling between talking and letting out little giggles, his feelings were overflowing, dripping like honey. Both of them had tears in their eyes and the smiles on their faces were more than enough to brighten the dark sky. "Sorry for taking so long Cobie" Kevin let out looking into Jacob's eyes "Don't apologize baby, I'm just happy that I can do this now" the older placed softly his lips on his own kissing him lovingly, Kevin pulled apart a little smiling to the older

"Jacob?" 

"Yes?"

" I love you too"

**Author's Note:**

> yeah... moonbae being cute and fluffy it's the best thing ever, I can't believe I'm almost crying at how jacob is so sweet??? and kevin is baby, I need to protect.
> 
> god, I really hope this is not that bad, I'm not so sure about that ending but we all start somewhere right? because yes, I have a lot of ideas for new works so hopefully I will be posting again soon.
> 
> leave kudos pls :( and comments if you feel like it, more than anything, thanks for reading.
> 
> I hope you have a nice day, stay safe and healthy, always remember you are lovely and your existence is precious.


End file.
